There is a practice unique to black churches that pastors should be careful to avoid, namely the adoption of the secular political honorific “First Lady” for the pastor’s spouse.
While intended to signal deep honor and recognize the grueling, often uncompensated sacrifices of a minister’s wife, the title inadvertently introduces a corporate hierarchy into a spiritual family. It risks framing the pastoral marriage as an exclusive, dynastic partnership rather than anchoring leadership in distinct, scriptural spiritual gifts.
More pressingly, it often binds a woman to an unspoken script of public performance, fashion, and availability that she may never have been personally called to fulfill. The wife of the President of the United States is the First Lady of the United States. It’s a political title that switches over if the President is a woman to the “first gentleman.”
Churches are spiritual organisms. The pastor’s wife is not a deva, the best dressed, the finest, or the richest. She is an example of spiritual humility according to scripture.
Pastors must recognize that the congregation takes its linguistic cues directly from the pulpit. What the congregation calls the pastor’s wife will reflect what he calls her. If he constantly introduces her through a lens of political royalty, the flock will follow, treating her with a rigid formality that can alienate her from organic, sisterly community.
If you desire a church culture rooted in mutual service rather than status, practice caution.
By referring to your wife primarily as a sister in Christ, a co-laborer, or simply by her name, you protect her from unfair institutional burdens.
Honor her privately with your devotion, and publicly by freeing her to serve the Lord according to her unique identity, not a secular crown.
